10

Three leaves remained at the beginning of the day.
One of them is barely hanging on. When the rains come this evening this one may fall as well leaving only two. Likewise, Indiana fell today (90-73) as the Cats won their 10th and go 10-0 for this season. Two games remain with Austin Peay up next in a week. By then there may remain just the two leaves nearly ready to symbolize 2000. Thanks to Wendell, Eddie, Bossy and others.

Too Eager?

Three leaves on the tree after the winds last night, but four games remain for UK, and the tree may have been too eager, as UK trails UConn by six at the half. This may be the learning experience Coach Cal's been looking for. Wouldn't be horrible if UK were to lose and might prevent the big head going into the SEC. Of course, a loss would postpone the 2000 win celebration, but it'll come eventually even if UNC were to pass them by. It's just a game, right? We need the guardian angel help for the second half from Walter, Eddie, and Bossy. Go Big Blue!

UK 64 - UConn 61 Whew!

Struggle

Five leaves remain on the maple tree, struggling to hang on.
Five games remain for UK struggling to make it to 2000.

The following quote heard at a CME this morning:

"The most important thing in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."

-- Pierre De Coubertin, French historian and pedagogue, founder of the International Olympic Committee, and considered father of the modern Olympic Games.


Regardless of the outcome of the UK vs. UNC game now going on, UK will hopefully "fight well."

As it turned out, UK squeaked by 68-66 but it was a game of two halves with UNC showing the grit in the second and UK showing the brilliance in the first.

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Creator god

As I have considered an “evolved god” in a parallel universe, one problem arises: How do you explain the miracles where various persons (Passover angel, Moses, Joshua, Elijah, Elisha, Jesus, et al) acting as agents of god alter the “natural order” unless god is somehow in control of (rather than controlled by) the universe? I happen to believe the historical record that the miracles actually did occur, so I have to retreat from my “evolved god” position. Yet, there is a sense in which the “creator god” allows the spiritual “parallel universe” to be perceived and evolved by people in various cultures at successive times according to what (their needs, god’s interests, random events)? I guess, to proceed further, I’ll need to read some Karen Armstrong and others.
Obviously, I’m not a theologian.
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The year’s at the spring,
And day’s at the morn;
Morning’s at seven;
The hill-side’s dew-pearled;
The lark’s on the wing;
The snail’s on the thorn;
God’s in his Heaven –
(with the billions of innocents
who’ve died of hunger, poverty,
disease, and injustice)
All’s right with the world!
—Browning in Pippa Passes
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The Parallel Universe -- imagine

“god” lives in a parallel universe not limited by time and space. Since there is no “time” in the way we think of it (in a linear manner), of course, “god” knows everything that has happened (since god began*) and “will happen” though “god” doesn’t think of it as something occuring in the future, since there is no future with “god”, only the eternal present. The question is not whether “god” knows but why the “loving god” we worship doesn’t intervene in the world as we know it when people do bad things. I don’t know the answer to that. Perhaps there is a tug of war going on in this parallel universe of which we only have fleeting glimpses.

*imagine the possibility that in the evolution of the world there evoved not only humankind with opposing thumb and large brain capable of planning and all the rest, but also there evolved a spiritual parallel world populated by the spirits of those who died and the phenomenon of gods with real power and the ability to communicate (even via real angels and a real Jesus “son of god”) with humankind (be they judaeo christian, muslim, hindu, buddhist, or animist.) This kind of thinking is almost science fiction. I’ve searched somewhat to see what kind of belief this is but haven’t come up with a name. I can still be thankful for the world as it is, whether created or not. It’s all a great mystery.

Southern Fatalism

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While sweeping the floor this morning I had some thoughts on Southern fatalism after reading the first couple chapters of Pat Conroy’s new book last night:

Lee invoked God’s will the night before the third day of Gettysburg and the ill-fated Pickett’s charge but took blame for the bad outcome himself: “It’s all my fault.”

92 yo lady in West Virginia:
“If you’re destined to hang you’ll never drown, so let the big cat jump.”

“Just when you think it’s ok, that’s when it will happen.” – TV show in the 50’s about a terrorist warning a bomb had been placed on an airplane. After a frantic search for the bomb, the hero finally figured out the meaning of the terrorist’s quote: the bomb was attached to the landing wheels.

James 4:13-15
“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.’ Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that.’” [Lord willing and the creek don’t rise]

Pat Conroy (South of Broad)

“…my mother’s world seemed disconsolate and tragic before she really knew how tragic life could be. Once she learned that no life could avoid the consequences of tragedy, she softened into an ascetic’s acknowledgment of the illusory nature of life. She became a true believer in the rude awakening.”

“Nothing happens by accident. I learned this the hard way…”

“..fate comes at you cat-footed, unavoidable, and bloodthirsty. The moment you are born your death is foretold by your newly minted cells…Death lives in each one of us and begins its countdown on our birthdays and makes its rough entrance at the last hour and the perfect time.”

“It would take a great portion of my time as an adult before I realized that tragedy was hurled freely into everyone’s life as though it were a cheap newspaper advertising porno shops an strip shows thrown into an overgrown yard.”

And this is just the first two chapters!

There is this positive sentence:

“But I had come back to Him, and that is part of my story.”

The book may have some hope after all, and, like Claypool, he may find some comfort in the gift of life.

Psalm 1

Happy the one who doesn’t sit around with the cynics….
He’s like the tree planted by the rivers of water….
Everything he does will prosper (because God is with him.)

Really? Unfortunately, our southern sense of fatalism seems to trump the optimistic side of life and leaves that for the tele-evangelists to promulgate.
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Sidney Lanier poems

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A Song Of The Future.

Ark of my hopes, Ark of my dreams;
Sweep lordly o'er the drowned Past,
Fly glittering through the sun's strange beams;
Sail fast, sail fast.
Breaths of new buds from off some drying lea
With news about the Future scent the sea:
My brain is beating like the heart of Haste:
I'll loose me a bird upon this Present waste;
Go, trembling song,
And stay not long; oh, stay not long:
Thou'rt only a gray and sober dove,
But thine eye is faith and thy wing is love


Barnacles

My soul is sailing through the sea,
But the Past is heavy and hindereth me.
The Past hath crusted cumbrous shells
That hold the flesh of cold sea-mells
About my soul.
The huge waves wash, the high waves roll,
Each barnacle clingeth and worketh dole
And hindereth me from sailing!

Old Past let go, and drop i' the sea
Till fathomless waters cover thee!
For I am living but thou art dead;
Thou drawest back, I strive ahead
The Day to find.
Thy shells unbind! Night comes behind,
I needs must hurry with the wind
And trim me best for sailing.


I sent these to Matt in early July 2009
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Beauty

"Lust not after her beauty in thine heart;
neither let her take thee with her eyelids."
--Proverbs 6:25 (this from Solomon who had some 600 concubines and many hundred wives! I guess he should know!)

"Beauty is the gift of God."
--Aristotle, from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers, V 18

Rhodora! if the sages ask thee why
This charm is wasted on the earth and sky,
Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing,
Then Beauty is its own excuse for being.
---Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Rhodora


Beauty is a mystery. You can neither eat it nor make flannel out of it. . .
Sex and beauty are inseparable, like life and consciousness. And the intelligence which goes with sex and beauty, is intuition.
--D. H. Lawrence, Sex Versus Loveliness

Thanks for 1988

With the loss to Notre Dame tonight, UK's win total stands at 1988, and many of those are memorable games for which we give thanks. The Lord willing and the creek don't rise, we'll start the countdown to the 2nd millennium in the fall of this year.

Boundaries

Make good choices everyday.
Respect the boundaries your parents and others determine for you: they're helping you to prevent weeds from crowding out the flowers of your life. Some pruning of the flowers also makes them more beautiful just as passing up all the distractions of life makes your life more fruitful.
---Dr. Adams

Thanks

Big Blue Nation can exhale now that UK defeated Creighton this evening.

Let me hear the sound of joy and gladness,
Turn away your face from my sins,
and wipe away all my guilt.
Psalm 51:8-9

Spiritual evolution

concept of religion as an evolved phenomenon

Imagine that with the advent of a larger brain which could sense and respond to spiritual realities there arose in the process of evolution on this earth simultaneously the reality of the spiritual such that when people died their "spirits" lived on as angels, and gods emerged. In a mysterious development, these evolved gods were able to exert some limited control over the physical properties of the "natural" world. It may be that some competition developed among these gods and angels, and different gods gathered to themselves human populations who would respond to their summons. Yahweh and the Christ called out to the Hebrews and Christians, Allah the muslims, Buddah the Chinese, etc. These gods are not the product of man's imagination, but rather distinct spiritual realities living in de Chardin's Noosphere. When Yahweh delivers the Ten commandments, it's a "real" being who communes with Moses, and he makes the case that he's to be the supreme god for the Hebrews and their descendants. Whether Yahweh and Allah are diffenent gods is unknown. It could be that rather than competing gods, we see a spiritual flux or variation from one form to another, so that Muhhamad's Allah is but one variation of the Hebrew Yahweh. It's a mystery. There may have been spiritual beings in the world long before man evolved sufficiently to appreciate them.

What we're about

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.
Psalm 107:2

Jesus never needed evidence about anyone; he could tell what someone had in him.
John 2:25

We are God's work of art, created in Christ Jesus for the good works which God has already designated to make up our way of life.
Ephesians 2:10

Three Score and Ten

Regan's seventy today and I'm reminded of this Psalm 90:

1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.
2 Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
3 You turn men back to dust,
saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men."
4 For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
5 You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning-
6 though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered.
7 We are consumed by your anger
and terrified by your indignation.
8 You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.
9 All our days pass away under your wrath;
we finish our years with a moan.
10 The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
11 Who knows the power of your anger?
For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
12 Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

---NIV

The Golden Door

Emma Lazarus (1849-1887):

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

--The New Colossus: Inscription for the Statue of Liberty, New York Harbor [1883]

Losers

The old adage, "Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone," is reversed at NCAA and NIT tournament time. There are more losers than winners, and each of the losing teams is comforted by the reality that they're not alone. In fact there's only one winner in each tournament, although those who make the final 16 and final four are winners of sorts. But, being alive and being able to play the game at all makes winners of all the participants, but they often don't feel that way and find more comfort in the company of fellow losers.

Patton

General George S. Patton's speech to the Third Armored Division:
http://www.5ad.org/Patton_speech.htm

One wonders if David, Sampson, Gideon, and the other Biblical warriors may have made similar speeches on behalf of Yahweh's cause.

Who Am I

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man -- the biography of the man himself cannot be written.
-- Autobiography [1924], vol. I, Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
-- Following the Equator: Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, 66, Mark Twain.

UL and UNC

Louisville Big East champs; UNC two fewer wins for their resume with FSU win today.

1,986 and counting

UK would appear to be NIT bound as LSU popped their NCAA Tourney bubble today. A few more wins this season would be good, and to win it all would be super, but next year will be the beginning of the 2nd millenium with UK now 1,986 total wins and counting. UNC will also join the Cats with that achievement next year and may very well get there first. Kansas is close behind, and may also join the party if they have another exceptional year in the 2009-2010 season.

New Day

Here's hoping for a better season beginning today, but the sun will come up Friday and Saturday regardless.
Big Blue Nation exhaled as UK won its 20th game of this season. It's a good psychological achievement, but UK won't get into NCAA unless the team can get past LSU tomorrow.

Shadow site

I've moved many of the texts of works created after 1923 to a file on my home computer.

Here I Stand

Eck: “I ask you, Martin – to answer candidly . . . do you or do you not repudiate your books and the errors which they contain?”

Martin: “Unless I am convicted by Scripture and plain reason – I do not accept the authority of popes and councils, for they have contradicted each other – my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I cannot do otherwise. God help me. Amen.”

(from Martin Luther's defense at the Diet of Worms, April 17, 1521)

Ten Commandments

1. You shall have no other gods before me
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol
3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God
4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy

5. Honor your father and mother
6. You shall not kill
7. You shall not commit adultery
8. You shall not steal
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's property

-- Exodus 20:2-17


Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptible to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

-- Psalm 19:14

Immortality

“A Parable of Immortality” by Henry Van Dyke:

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, “There she goes!” Gone where? Gone from my sight . . . that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “there she goes,” there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

[printed on the back of a program distributed at a memorial service July 19, 2008, for Sam Lyverse (d. Mar 30, 2008 . . . 85yo)]

Gettysburg address

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government : of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

--Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863

Dreams and Reality

Ken Medema’s If This Is Not A Place
http://lifelistening.com/news/if-this-is-not-a-place/


Joe Darion’s The Impossible Dream lyrics
http://www.reelclassics.com/Actors/O'Toole/impossibledream-lyrics.htm


6500 cashed out 3/4/09

Benjamin Franklin

Franklin’s four resolutions:

1. It is necessary for me to be extremely frugal for some time, till I have paid what I owe.

2. To endeavor to speak truth in every instance; to give nobody expectations that are not likely to be answered, but aim at sincerity in every word and action – the most amiable excellence in a rational being.

3. To apply myself industriously to whatever business I take in hand, and not divert my mind from my business by any foolish project of growing suddenly rich; for industry and patience are the surest means of plenty.

4. I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of every body.


Franklin’s thirteen cardinal virtues:

1. Temperance (Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation)

2. Silence (Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation)

3. Order (Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.)

4. Resolution (Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.)

5. Frugality (Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e., Waste nothing.)

6. Industry (Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.)

7. Sincerity (Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and if you speak, speak accordingly.)

8. Justice (Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.)

9. Moderation (Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.)

10. Cleanliness (Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.)

11. Tranquility (Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.)

12. Chastity (rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.)

13. Humility (Imitate Jesus and Socrates.)

Thomas Paine

exerpts from Thomas Paine’s American Crisis I:

THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.

'Tis surprising to see how rapidly a panic will sometimes run through a country. All nations and ages have been subject to them. . . Yet panics, in some cases, have their uses; they produce as much good as hurt. Their duration is always short; the mind soon grows through them, and acquires a firmer habit than before. But their peculiar advantage is, that they are the touchstones of sincerity and hypocrisy, and bring things and men to light, which might otherwise have lain forever undiscovered. In fact, they have the same effect on secret traitors, which an imaginary apparition would have upon a private murderer. They sift out the hidden thoughts of man, and hold them up in public to the world.

Not a man lives on the continent but fully believes that a separation must some time or other finally take place, and a generous parent should have said, "If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace;" and this single reflection, well applied, is sufficient to awaken every man to duty.

I turn with the warm ardor of a friend to those who have nobly stood, and are yet determined to stand the matter out: I call not upon a few, but upon all: not on this state or that state, but on every state: up and help us; lay your shoulders to the wheel; better have too much force than too little, when so great an object is at stake. Let it be told to the future world, that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet and to repulse it. Say not that thousands are gone, turn out your tens of thousands; throw not the burden of the day upon Providence, but "show your faith by your works," that God may bless you. It matters not where you live, or what rank of life you hold, the evil or the blessing will reach you all. The far and the near, the home counties and the back, the rich and the poor, will suffer or rejoice alike. The heart that feels not now is dead; the blood of his children will curse his cowardice, who shrinks back at a time when a little might have saved the whole, and made them happy. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.

I thank God, that I fear not. I see no real cause for fear. I know our situation well, and can see the way out of it.

By perseverance and fortitude we have the prospect of a glorious issue; by cowardice and submission, the sad choice of a variety of evils

Dec 23, 1776

Songs in our hearts

One of WWA’s favorites:

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)



Billy Joel’s Innocent Man




Amy Grant’s Angels



Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy



'Tis a Gift to Be Simple (Shaker tune)


Hard Knock Life and Tomorrow from Annie


He sung by Pat Boone



I’ll Get By as sung by Billie Holiday


I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Sung by Lynn Anderson


I Will Survive sung by Gloria Gaynor


Keep on the sunny side sung by Carter Family:

There’s a dark and a troubled side of life
There’s a bright and a sunny side too
Though we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also may view
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us every day
It will brighten all our way
If we’ll keep on the sunny side of life



We’ll Sing in the Sunshine
Sung by The New Christy Minstrels


Lonesome Valley sung by Woodie Guthrie

You’ve got to walk that lonesome valley
You’ve got to walk it by yourself
There’s nobody here can walk it for you
You’ve got to walk it by yourself


Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen
Sung by Paul Robeson

Oh, Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen
Nobody knows my sorrow
Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen
Glory hallelujah

Sometime I’m up
Sometime I’m down
Oh, yes, Lord
Sometime I’m almost to the ground
Oh, yes, Lord


What A Friend We Have in Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and grief to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

Oh, what peace we often forfeit
Oh, what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer



What A Wonderful World
Sung by Louis Armstrong

Part IV - Closing Arguments

Allen B___'s Closing Argument, Thursday, January 8, 2009
in the Campbell County Court House, Newport, Kentucky.
[a verbatim transcript from the public record video tape of the trial]
[Amanda and Mrs. G___ are the same person; Khalid and Mr. E___ are the same person; Carolyn and Mrs. A____ are the same.]


Ladies and Gentlemen, before I get to the matter at hand I wanted to thank you all. I don’t have the opportunity to observe you during the trial, but I know you’ve been paying attention to all the documents. We really appreciate it. You’re the backbone of the judicial system, and we appreciate your time and effort.

We came here three days ago, and I’m sure for many it seems longer than that. You’ve had a chance to see many documents. That’s the nature of this process. The termination of parental rights is a serious matter, and whether you’ve made a decision yet, we hope you understand some of the work that goes in to that decision.

I don’t disagree with Ms. G___ or any birth parent that has issues regarding what they’re doing. It’s an amazing decision. If we’re sitting in her shoes…how do we understand unless we’ve been there ourselves? That’s something they do with much decision making, especially if they can’t call on friends or relatives.

These are the facts in the case. What do we know? We know that Mrs. A____ and AOK did not contact Ms. G____. This was not an expedition to see if they could find a birth mother. In fact we know that Ms. G___ for whatever reasons had a relationship with an individual that in a sense almost terrorized her. I mean, there are countless documents; you’ve seen them; you’ll have the opportunity to read them. But, this process begins with that [relationship], not with Carolyn ___ or AOK. That was a process that put Ms. G___ into an emotional state; it wasn’t anything to do with being pregnant. She was concerned, and made -- I’ll give her credit – a courageous decision. She was facing what she suggested might be her own death. She said that: pushed in a car going 65 miles an hour down an expressway. Now when did she take out the [Emergency Protective Order]? That was on August 26, 2003. Is there any evidence to suggest that AOK or Carolyn A___ knew anything about that [at the time]? No, absolutely nothing. The descriptions that she put forward in those documents are imperative for you to review in making your decision because they reflect upon what she was thinking was the best thing for her child. She was single; she had an abusive relationship which she left; she wanted to make a decision. She contemplated abortion, and that was something she thought about, and, to her credit, she decided not to.

But she tried to place her child with other people, but they wanted to know who the birth father was. Kentucky law doesn’t require that and she called adoption agencies and made contact with Carolyn A___. Now about Carolyn A____, what do we know? We know that at the first contact Carolyn A____ made a decision to meet with her, take notes about her…A telephone conversation, placed in the file, no one had any reason to hide that. If it didn’t go through, it didn’t go through. She [Carolyn] made a decision to visit with her [Amanda] and see her, and she [Carolyn] made the trip up here [Covington]. She didn’t say, “There’s a charge involved; you have to pay me; how are we going to make ends meet?” She [Carolyn] said, “Sure, I’ll be glad to discuss this.” And what is on that initial document that we saw today? We saw that that telephone call comes in. First question on the document, standard form: “Do you want to identify the birth father?” “No.” What else does she say? The handwriting of Mrs. A____ says, “Birth father abusive….restraining order…Egyptian…may be going back there.” Where does that information come from, folks? It comes from her [Amanda]. It comes from Mrs. G___. Now, is she lying about that information? Is she tricking Mrs. A____? What obligation does Mrs. A____ have to figure out if that’s not true? She doesn’t have to take this case.

She’s providing a social service to this individual [Amanda], and she [Carolyn] decides to meet with her [Amanda], and they follow up, and she [Amanda] is given a statement of representation on the day that they meet. [The statement indicates:] “I’ll be your attorney if you decide to go forward. This document doesn’t mean you’re consenting. You have the right to move forward." And you saw the documents. You saw this file which contains the documents -- you’ll have this back with you when you deliberate –- the majority of which were touched, seen, signed, and discussed with Mrs. G___. Now to suggest that Mrs. G____ was out of the loop is ludicrous. To suggest that Mrs. G____ was cajoled, or forced, or deceit was placed to make her make this decision is beyond the evidence in this case.

But how do we know that? If it’s simply one document, and Mr. S____ [attorney] has spent an inordinate amount of time of showing you about three documents. “This says this..” and he blows up portions of the document; he ignores the portions that say “ask if you have questions; I’m being paid by the adoptive parents; I’m being paid by the adoptive parents; I’m being paid by the adoptive parents.” Three times on one page, and then that document the 12/22/03 letter: What do we know about that document that goes to Mrs. G____? She signs it, and it says at the bottom: “Here’s your copy for your records and, please, call if you have any questions.” Now, the plaintiff wants you to believe, through their expert witness, that, my goodness, she couldn’t possibly have understood that. She wouldn’t have known what to do when she signed that, wouldn’t have know what it meant, wouldn’t have known why she was going forward, wouldn’t have known that she could call, wouldn’t have known who was representing her, wouldn’t have known any of these issues. Even if you believe that she didn’t know any of that, the bottom statement on the last page states, “If you have questions, ask me.” Now, she came to Mrs. A____; she wanted to place her child for termination. Isn’t there an underlying obligation for every person involved in a situation that has a question to ask it?

And what is her [Amanda] damage by not knowing or not understanding that the fees were paid by the adoptive parents? Or that Mrs. A____ worked for a profit agency? How did that hurt her? She didn’t lose any money; she paid not dollar one for this. So how did that knowledge or lack thereof or her failure to ask about it affect her decision to go forward? Did Mrs. A____ say to her, “You have to provide me with ‘My Story’ before I meet you on November 19?” She [Amanda] wrote that herself; typed it herself; described it. Now, Mrs. G___ wants you to believe that the document regarding the EPO did not have the name of the birth father blacked out. Her suggestion is that that document with the blacking out was done by Mrs. A_____. [She would have you believe that] Mrs. A____, for $6,500 placed herself in jeopardy of this court and before you, met this woman at this woman’s request, she brought the name of the birth father knowing full well that if the name is known you must name him, and that Carolyn A_____ crossed out the name and said, we’ll do this; let’s commit a fraud. Because that’s what Mrs. G___’s telling you. She [Amanda] is asserting that’s what occurred, and that is the beginning of the fraud.

Now, let’s assume that was true, because there would be no reason for Mrs. G___ at other times not to tell others who the father was. It would be out there, so tell them. We have a letter here, a conversation there, and there is not one document [naming the birth father]. If Mrs. G_____ was so concerned that she couldn’t back out of this, all she had to do was tell the father, tell the birth father’s name. But, instead, she was afraid, that if the birth father was involved, not only would she be potentially abused or harmed (might face death in the writing she said), but so would her child, and so would her unborn child. Is it reasonable for her to suggest, “I don’t want this kind of a man before the court, and further more is it permissible in Kentucky.” Absolutely permissible.

The final testimony in this case was the video tape [of the termination]. You saw that document signed again in court by Mrs. G____ which states, “The biological father of the infant, Hayden ____ _____... (Now, let’s talk about that for a minute. Do you believe, that if Mrs. G____ did not desire that this [termination and adoption] go through, she would have gone to the trouble of naming the child for the adoptive parents? Do you want to know someone who’s defrauded in this case? Do you want to know someone who suffered in this case? It’s the adoptive parents who suffered in this case. They spent the entire time from when they were identified in January 2004 in conversation, picked by Mrs. G____, telephone conversations with her, meetings with her, saying you are going to be the parents of my child; you are the ones I want to be the parents.

In fact, she says this in writing to her [unborn] child. Do you think she was so distressed and not knowing what’s going on that she could write a letter to her child; was her arm being twisted? Did anybody tell you that’s required? [She writes] “One thing I believe (talking about the adoptive parents) is the fact that your parents [names of adoptive parents] were always meant to be your parents; you were always their son; they need me to help you enter the world; that was the role I played in your life. Now, if we weren’t here today, and you ran into Amanda G____ on the street and she told you that story, saying, “This is what I did with my child,” you would laud her. You would say you’re a bigger person than I am! You would say, “What a step to take when things were tough!” She wrote that and had them involved.

What else do we know? She brought them in when she was having false labor. She called them when she went into the hospital because they were closest to her. They come down and spend ten days with her before the birth. Now did she say she told them she knew the birth father; was she being forced; did she discuss the fee; what was she thinking then? She was thinking, “I want you to have my child.” Now, is this confirmed anywhere else? She writes a letter to the hospital: “Only allow these people in my room: the adoptive parents, my ex husband (Isn’t that interesting—she’s asking that her ex-husband be present. That went to the hospital; that didn’t go to the agency, they didn’t tell her to write that. She didn’t write for Khalid E___ to be there. No one forced her to write them. These are all in her handwriting.) So on that day [birth date] she wanted the adoptive parents to be present and no one else. She didn’t want to be talked to about whether it was the right decision or wrong decision; she’d made up her mind. Was she uneducated or emotionally distraught; was she being stepped upon by Mrs. A____? She said nobody’s making me do this except me. This is what I want. This is the same thing she told the court on April 12 , 2004.

Here’s what we know, until April 12, 2004, at any time in the process all she had to say was I don’t want to do it. You’ve heard from the foster home, Mrs. T__ and from Jan O____, and you’ve heard from the workers and employees of AOK. If a mother calls with a legal question it goes to Carolyn A____. If a mother wants to back out, it’s over. The adoptive parents have no rights until the termination. 60 days was the description of Mrs. T__ in one case. Sixty days the baby had been there when the birth mother said I’m sorry, and the baby was given back – another fee gone down the tube. Well, that is not what made this case come about.

What made this case come about is that on or about April 22, 2004. How do we know that?…this terrible agency that doesn’t tell anybody what they’re doing and Mrs. A___ is not doing her job, this agency documents in the record that they get a phone call, and Amanda has heard that the birthfather is looking for the child. Isn’t this interesting, if Amanda is having conversations with the birth father prior to that, why doesn’t she say that Khalid E____ is calling me on the phone. He’s trying to find me. But the documentation and the testimony of Mrs. A___ is that even then [April 22,2004] she doesn’t know the name. It’s past the termination, but she doesn’t know the name.

And even before that before the termination, we have clear evidence. Jan O____ testified that two days after the birth of the child, she asked Amanda how she was doing, and that she was sleeping and eating ok and was not depressed. On the 17th of April, 2004, consistent with the practices of Carolyn A___ and AOK, Jan O____ makes a visit up here to Northern Kentucky and meets with Amanda to find out how are things going. She described her and said she never looked better. Amanda asked Jan if she could have contact with the adoptive parents, and Jan said, “Sure! Let’s get them on the phone,” and Amanda talked with those people [adoptive parents] again. After the termination, five days previously, is there a mention of the birth father? Is there a concern about him? No, there is not. Mrs. O___ who was trained as a social worker to provide those non legal contacts with the client was seeing Amanda on that date. Jan O___ wrote a letter to Amanda on April 21, 2004 telling her how great it was to see her. There was no mention of the birth father when Jan met with Amanda on the 17th or you would have heard about that.

If this agency had been sanctioned or the license suspended, any of those things, that information would have been put forward [by the plaintiff’s attorney, but there was nothing to put forward.] What the plaintiff’s expert witness wants you to believe is that you have to do all this, but I’m going to review what the plaintiff gives me. I don’t want to see Amanda’s deposition. Don’t confuse me with the tape of the proceedings, because I don’t want to know about that. I just want to know what my opinion is about Mrs. A____. She had done two adoptions twenty years ago and she just wanted to look at a few documents. She didn’t even want to talk with Mrs. G____ to learn what her level of sophistication was.

Now we put forth a person [R.M. from Kansas] who does do this [adoption work]. He does it similarly to the practice of Mrs. A____. He doesn’t have birth parents asking, by the way how much does all this cost, because up front (just as in this case) they know it’s not going to cost them anything. How did not knowing that she was not going to pay anything cause her not to want to go forward? Let’s assume that we told her it cost $50,000 to do this [adoption]. Do you believe from the evidence and what you’ve seen that Mrs. G___ would have said I’m not going forward if they’re going to pay that amount? She [Amanda] never questioned it. It was not an issue. That didn’t stop her.

What stopped her after April 22 was this: She ran into the former abusive boy friend that was being represented by Mr. S____. And prior to even having a relationship within two weeks she was married. May 1, 2004 Amanda married this individual, and that, of course, was the end of the adoptive placement for this child. Her choice had been sealed and finalized.

You saw the April 12 tape where she appeared before the judge. You can make a determination whether that was a sham, that Carolyn A___ forced her to say that, that none of that information was true, that it was incorrect, that the guardian ad litem knew and was part of this entire fraud, that all those things were going on where the court asked those questions knowing full well that everyone was tricking Mrs. G___. Now Mrs. G___ had the sophistication to say, “What happens if the people I’ve selected don’t want this baby?” And what was the answer? “Mam, after today you don’t have any choice in who the adoptive family is going to be.” She [the judge] told her that, point blank. And she [the judge] said, “If you don’t want to go forward with this just say so and we’ll stop.” I asked Amanda in the complaint she filed about her claim that she was told to lie that she didn’t know the birth father. That was a question directly from the judge to her: “Mam, it’s my understanding that you know who the birth father is.” And her response was, “I do.” but the judge said, “It’s my understanding you don’t want to name him because of an issue of abuse. You’ve got a [domestic violence] order.” [Amanda] “That’s right.” [Judge] “Does he know about the birth.” [Amanda] “He thinks I had an abortion.” [Judge] “Have you had any contact with him?” [She answered, “No”] And here she is, folks, this is a legal [hearing]– you talk about important document and time. This time is the moment. If you’re going to go before the court for any reason, raise your hand (as people have done in this case), and swear you’re telling the truth, that’s the moment in time to begin doing it. And either she lied on that day [April 12, 2004] or she is lying now [Jan 2009] when she took the stand, because they’re both inaccurate. She cannot have it both ways.

Now, what she wants you to believe, is that she was forced to give that statement [on April 12]. Did you hear Mrs. A____ say anything, coach her, tell her what to say? No. What interest would she have to do that; she practices throughout the state; if her reputation is that [of a manipulator of facts] then her reputation is through. It’s over. And that’s what this case is going to do, because if you are saying that she [Carolyn] and her agency have done these things….you’ve hear the plaintiff’s expert witness talk about reviewing newspaper articles about this [case]. Well, do you think Mrs. A____ is putting out newspaper articles?

What’s this about? Is it about dealing with the baby? That poor Mrs. G___ can’t be with her child? Well, she’s had almost five years; she married the gentleman who was deported, who with no evidence to the contrary has this child in Egypt; and she can’t go over and see him? It’s such a loss to her! She can’t do anything; she can’t be with her husband? Now you talk about sham and fraud, that was what was done [for Khalid] to secure this child. Because I will tell you this, if you are thinking about awarding a damage to Mrs. G____ for the separation or loss of her child or a damage that came about as a result of that, then what has she done to show you she wants to be with that child? What has she done? From the day she handed that child to the adoptive parents in the hospital where they had their own separate room until this date when she sits here asking for $1,200,000 she hasn’t seen the child.

Now maybe the money’s enough; she doesn’t need the child, but you can only recover in her case if you find that what occurred in this case caused her damage. What was done that caused her damage? And you heard testimony from the expert that we put forward that all she has to do if Mr. E___ in Egypt sends over an affidavit stating that you can be the mother she’s back taking care of the child. She can file a petition in Florida where she’s now living. Now who do you think is stopping her. Who do you think doesn’t care about that process? Do you think that your husband whom you were engaged to and was a loving companion would not come up with the cost of the airfare to get you near him? Because his deportation won’t allow him to come back here. And the child can certainly come visit, even if that wasn’t the case because he’s a United States citizen, born in the U.S. and has that right to be here. But not once has that happened. And she wants money because that’s occurred. And that’s been totally in her control since the marriage.

So we have documents, pages of them, numerous ones signed by Mrs. G____, and the plaintiff did not put forth any of those to suggest that there was overstepping. And that’ll be the decision you’ll have to make. You’ll need to answer the instructions:

The first instruction is malpractice. Did Mrs. A___ exercise the degree of care and skill expected of a reasonably competent lawyer acting under similar circumstances. Did she act as a person for the purposes of securing what her client wanted. And have you seen any evidence that Mrs. G___ did not want that termination.? No, that’s what she wanted, that’s why she picked the family; that’s why she wished they’d have the child; that ‘s why she wrote letters to them; that’s why she contacted AOK in November 2003.
So it says you have to find that, and you also have to find there was a damage. You have to find that what Mrs. A___ told her caused her a damage.

Next, they’re saying, if it’s not that, then Mrs. A___ and AOK acted in such a way that it’s outside the bounds of common decency as would be observed by a civilized community. In other words, Mrs. A____ did something so outrageous with a disinterest toward Mrs. G___; tricked the court; tricked Mrs. G___ to place this child in a termination proceeding, and that as a result, Mrs. G___ was severely emotionally distressed. Have you heard any testimony about that at all? Other than I slept a lot, I didn’t feel good, I didn’t know what was going on. That’s what she said. Have any doctors taken the stand and said we treated Mrs. G___ for psychiatric and emotional damages as a result of the treatment rendered her by Carolyn A___? And, we think she suffered mentally. No, they don’t have any proof of that. So on that instruction you can’t find on their behalf.

Then finally, they say, “Fraud!” In all of these you have to find each of these: “and, and, and” “Defendant A___ knew and acted with reckless disregard towards her.” Where is the evidence for that?

So, if you go through these [instructions to the jury] three and say, “no, no, and no” you’re through. “No” as it relates to Mrs. A___ not having done these things in this case. And, Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s always hard to sit in judgment for individuals. We have a natural tendency to have in our heart an emotional bond for people that we feel for. You were picked as jurors because you were being impassioned in that regard. You have to sit back and reflect. You have to make the decision based on the evidence not with a sense of “Wouldn’t it be great if Mrs. G___ could go over to Cairo, and wouldn’t it be fine if everything would work out.” It would be great if all those things could happen, but that’s not what this case is about. Sometimes we have to reach closure. Some people have to be told as we said at the beginning and we laughed about it, “Anybody can file a lawsuit.” Sometimes you have to say, “I’m sorry. It’s got to be over now.” We all have to go on. But this has certainly been a trying experience for Mrs. A___, and it’s up to you, in making that decision to end it.

And I want to say one other thing in closing for I think the last document we presented bears looking at again. It’s of great concern to me as an officer of the court, and I hope that you all will take the full import of this document, when I say this came after the termination proceedings, and this is the statement by Mrs. G____, in a court, in a court like this, like in the voluntary proceedings when she had her rights terminated, [the record states:] “The petitioner was coerced into filing this [Domestic Violence Order of Sept 3, 2003] by adoption agency. . .” It’s an absolute lie [Carolyn and AOK first contact with Amanda was November 19, 2003, over two months later], and that went against Mrs. A____. That cannot happen. Thank you.

Part III - False Allegations

May 20, 2004 – A Campbell County judge signed an order stating that “Parties married in violation of this [DVO] order and set for show cause for contempt on this case May 27, 2004.”

On May 27, 2004 – The Campbell County judge then wrote the following statement into the public record: “Parties married in violation of this DVO, but appears Pet. was coerced into filing this by Adoption Agency in Louisville attempting to terminate Resp’s paternal [parental] rights. Court does not find either party in contempt.” [Campbell Co, KY District Court # 03-D-00307-001] This statement was clearly false since the DVO was in Sept and Carolyn didn’t meet with Amanda until Nov, 2003

July 22, 2004 – Carolyn’s attorney took the deposition of Amanda. Khalid was also present during this deposition. During the trial in 2009, Amanda claimed that she felt pressured to go through with the termination in April 2004 because of a paragraph in the adoption plan she’d signed in November 2003. Carolyn, in trying to give Amanda full disclosure had stated that if she didn’t go through with the adoption, she "could" be sued by the adoptive parents. This statement was preceded by this sentence to Amanda: “Should you decide not to terminate, there should be no legal repercussion.” During this July 2004 deposition, however, Amanda didn’t mention any fear of being sued at all and stated that after the termination she felt that she’d done the right thing. Her deposition in July 2004 was purportedly aimed at getting the baby back for Khalid. By the time of her second deposition in February 2006 (after she’d filed a civil suit against Carolyn in April 2005) she began to allege this suit threat clause as a reason she went ahead with the termination. She claimed, falsely, during the January 2009 trial, that she’d learned Khalid was looking for her before the termination and stated she would have backed out except for that fear of being sued.

Amanda didn’t raise the suit possibility as a question to Carolyn or the counselor in the months prior to her delivery or prior to the termination. In their charge against Carolyn, Attorney S.S. mentioned this threat of suit as evidence of malpractice. The plaintiff’s attorney further claimed that the failure of Carolyn to copy Amanda on a six page “Escrow Letter of Understanding” [about how the agency would manage their funds on behalf of Amanda] that was sent to the adoptive parents constituted malpractice. The attorney pointed to a paragraph in that letter that stated the adoptive parents could sue if the birthparent didn’t terminate, but would not likely win, and that Carolyn wouldn’t assist them since she represented Amanda. He claimed that if Amanda had been sent this letter, she would have seen Carolyn’s statement and would have been emboldened not to fear being sued if she changed her mind. If she would have read the document evidence submitted during the trial demonstrated she was very happy with the couple she had selected as adoptive parents and would not have worried about a suit if she changed her mind. In fact, at the termination (now public record) she was more worried about what would happen if they changed their minds about adopting her baby.

December 17, 2004 – The 60.02 motion on fraud, misrepresentation, etc. was to be heard before Jefferson County Judge P.W.F., but none of the plaintiff’s attorneys appeared. Therefore, the motion was dismissed; the appeal period expired January 16, 2005, with no further action by Amanda or any attorney on her behalf.

January 19, 2005 – Amanda filed a Bar Complaint against Carolyn A. alleging: over-reaching, coercion, gross over-charging of adoptive parents, dual representation, instructions for her to lie in court, and other egregious acts. The Kentucky Bar reviewed all of the documents in the case and dismissed the complaint on September 3, 2009.

April 11, 2005 – birthmother Amanda filed civil suit (her attorney assisting) against Carolyn A. and AOK in Campbell Co, Circuit Court 05CI-00496; allegations: fraud, negligent misrepresentation, loss of consortium, intentional infliction of emotional distress and request for punitive damages. The timing of this suit is interesting. It occurred just as the statute of limitations from the alleged injury (the termination of parental rights) was about to run out and listed all the same allegations previously listed in the 60.02 complaint – the hearing they hadn’t attended which resulted in dismissal. Amanda was hoping to get $3,000,000 as a result of this suit. Of interest, Amanda has not seen the baby since the termination or since he was given back to Khalid, even though she could have easily gained access by filing for a step-parent adoption. The baby resided in Ohio with Khalid’s parents for many months after September 2005 before going to Egypt, and Amanda made no attempt to see him.

April 21, 2005, Paul Long wrote an article in the Kentucky Post: “Woman sues adoption agency….Claims pressure to give up baby”….”seeking monetary damages only against her attorney, Carolyn A. of Louisville…claims that adoptive parents paid agency some $40,000.” The plaintiff’s attorney is quoted liberally in an obvious attempt to smear Carolyn’s and AOK’s reputation. The $40,000 as mentioned was pulled out of the air by Khalid. (The actual agency fee was $6,500 of which Carolyn received $2,000 as an employee.) In separate statements to the newspaper, Amanda said she didn’t know when she approached AOK that the agency was for-profit and was going to be paid! (The adoptive parents paid aprox. $5,000 for Amanda’s expenses during the pregnancy.)

July 27, 2006 – after reviewing Amanda’s case against Carolyn, Campbell County Judge J.R.W. dismissed the case.

August 24, 2007 -- Court of Appeals agreed with some of the judgment set aside but sent other portions of the State case back to be tried. This judgment had to be “viewed in a light most favorable to” the plaintiff [Amanda] they said and reiterated her false allegations, many of which had appeared in the media. At this time, Carolyn had not yet had the opportunity to state her case and refute the false allegations bandied about in media and court charges.

June 12, 2008 – Supreme Court denied Carolyn’s and AOK’s appeal to uphold Judge W.’s dismissal order and directed that the case be tried.

January 5-9, 2009 -- Campbell County Circuit Court heard the case and Carolyn was cleared of the emotional distress and fraud charges but tagged with malpractice because of a few document irregularities that had no bearing on the decision of Amanda to place her baby for adoption. The plaintiff’s expert witness had not bothered to review the documents for entire case and accused Carolyn of malpractice because of the wording in some of these documents and because she didn’t send copies of some documents to Amanda. Of course, the reality was that Carolyn fulfilled the expressed wishes of the birthparent to have her baby placed for adoption without naming the abusive birthfather-boyfriend. The plaintiff had asked for an award of $1,200,000, but the jury only awarded them $6,500 (the fee AOK charged the adoptive parents for the adoption).

Carolyn could have appealed the malpractice decision, but because she was able to have her side of the story entered into the public record and felt vindicated by the small amount of the award, she elected not to appeal and risk another tedious trial. It took the jury 11 hours to reach their verdict in this complex document-heavy case. Amanda and her attorney didn't appeal the decision either.

As noted previously on September 3, 2009 the Kentucky Bar dismissed the bar complaint Amanda brought against Carolyn.

Carolyn spent aprox $225,000 of her own money to defend this frivolous lawsuit. Due to insurance misrepresentations she had no liability coverage.

(Part IV of this document is a verbatim transcript of Carolyn's attorney's closing argument at the conclusion of the trial.)

Part II - Khalid

It turned out that Khalid had not gone back to Egypt as Amanda surmised but was still in the Cincinnati area and in April 2004 had begun asking about her whereabouts even though there was a DVO against him. One of the people he talked with mentioned to Amanda (after the termination) in late April that he was looking for her, and Amanda contacted Carolyn April 22 to ask what she should do. Carolyn simply reminded her that she still had the DVO in force and could use that to avoid harm from him. Carolyn alerted the attorney for the adoptive parents that there might be a problem with the adoption since the birthfather was asking questions and might come forward. The attorney asked Carolyn to check with Amanda to make sure that her previous statement that she wasn’t raped was correct, since under Wisconsin law the father’s rights could be terminated immediately (without having to wait 60 days) in a rape situation. Amanda again said she hadn’t been raped, and Carolyn reported this to the Wisconsin attorney.

Sometime between Carolyn’s last conversation with Amanda (April 22) and May 1, Khalid found Amanda. According to Amanda she “made up” with this previously abusive birthfather saying that he was a “changed man” and they were hastily married on May 1, 2004 at the courthouse by a local minister. There was no public ceremony of which we’re aware. The marriage was recorded May 7, 2004. On May 5, Khalid appeared in the office of Attorney S.S., who had an interest in immigration law, and told him about the fact that his baby had been given up for adoption without his knowledge and that he was now married and wanted to parent the baby. Khalid’s attorney contacted Carolyn and told her he had bad news for her: that he had a gentleman in his office named Khalid E. who was the father of Amanda’s baby, and he was going to assert his parental rights. This was the first time that Carolyn knew the birthfather’s name. Carolyn contacted the attorney for the adoptive parents in Wisconsin and advised them of the situation.

On May 11, 2004, Khalid’s attorney assisted him in filing an “Agreed Order of Paternity” in the Campbell Co, KY court. Khalid asserted that he was the child’s birthfather. If this had been an in-state adoption, Carolyn, upon notice of the court order, would have immediately made arrangements for the baby to be returned to the agency and held in foster care pending a further court order giving the baby to Khalid.

Because this adoption was an inter-state case, however, there had to be a hearing and court decision to get the baby back to Kentucky. The Wisconsin couple had already taken out a guardianship in Wisconsin and had the child physically with them. It was, thus, left to the courts in the two states to decide what the best course of action should be.

May 20, 2004 – A Campbell County judge signed an order stating that “Parties married in violation of this [DVO] order and set for show cause for contempt on this case May 27, 2004.”

On May 27, 2004 – The Campbell County judge then wrote the following statement into the public record: “Parties married in violation of this DVO, but appears Pet. was coerced into filing this by Adoption Agency in Louisville attempting to terminate Resp’s paternal [parental] rights. Court does not find either party in contempt.” [Campbell Co, KY District Court # 03-D-00307-001] This statement was clearly false since the DVO was in Sept and Carolyn didn’t meet with Amanda until Nov, 2003

In approximately June 2004 Atty. S.S. sent a letter to Carolyn saying that he would be willing to settle the case if Carolyn would send him $2,000,000. Carolyn declined.

June 9, 2004 – Khalid signed a petition for dissolution of marriage in Kenton County, Ky … and on June 14, 2004, Amanda also signed a petition for dissolution of marriage. It’s not known whether Amanda and Khalid were ever formerly divorced.

September 14, 2004 – Jefferson County Judge P.W. F. signed an order awarding custody to Khalid, the birthfather, following a hearing on September 10. Carolyn A. sent a letter to Adoptions of Wisconsin asking them to give the baby to birthfather. The adoptive parents, believing they could provide a better life for the baby than the previously abusive Khalid, were granted a guardianship by the Wisconsin court, and they hoped a jury would agree with the termination of Khalid’s rights. Carolyn’s counsel sent a letter to Khalid’s Louisville attorney advising him of the Wisconsin guardianship.

December 2004 – Khalid was deported to Egypt.

June 2005 - Attorney S.S. representing Khalid (still living in Egypt) filed a Civil Suit in Federal U.S. District Court against Carolyn A. and AOK. allegations: tortuous interference with parental or custodial relationship, alienation of affections, fraud, damages, loss of consortium, intentional infliction of emotional distress, malicious prosecution, piercing the corporate veil, negligence, and punitive damages, etc. Khalid was hoping to get $5,000,000 from the suit. Because of the complexities of the case and the desire to focus on Amanda’s suit, this Federal suit was settled August 14, 2007 via mediation.

In late September, 2005 -- “after a jury trial – required by Wisconsin law to determine parental rights – Dane County Circuit Judge S.O. ordered that the child be turned over to Khalid.” “Because he is not in the United States, the judge gave the paternal grandparents custody and temporary guardianship and ordered the Wisconsin adoptive parents to take the child to his paternal grandfather.” (Oct 11 Ky Post article)

(see next post Part III "False Allegations")

Part I - Amanda and "My Story"

(These four parts represent the facts in the case of Amanda vs Carolyn and AOK that came out in the Jan 2009 trial and other public records. This is Carolyn's story and an attempt to set straight the record that has been so misconstrued in the public media. The actual four and a half day trial [which this reporter sat through] is available as a public record on VHS from the Campbell County Court, but there are no written accounts or CDs available)

Amanda met Khalid E. one day in May 2003 and soon became pregnant by him. Khalid was an Egyptian who was in the US on an expired student visa. Amanda had previously been married to another man and shared custody of a daughter since their divorce in May 2002. She and Khalid had separate apartments and were not married. In July Khalid began abusing Amanda, and she details the horrific nature of the abuse in a document she wrote called “My Story” [** see below]. She described him as “a deceiving thief . . . con artist . . . chronic liar about everything.” Finally, she had experienced enough trauma and filed an Emergency Protective Order August 26, 2003 which was subsequently extended as a formal Domestic Violence Order on September 3, 2003 for a duration of three years.

Amanda didn’t see Khalid subsequent to the DVO and assumed he’d left the country for Egypt. Amanda considered several options concerning her pregnancy and selected adoption. She consulted several other agencies and attorneys but they wanted her to name the father. Finally, she contacted the adoption agency AOK in Nov 2003, and Atty. Carolyn A. met her November 19, 2003 in Covington, Ky. One of the first documents that Carolyn gave Amanda to sign was a disclosure stating that Carolyn was the sole owner of AOK and that she (Carolyn) would represent Amanda and not the adoptive parents (who would have their own attorney). Amanda did not wish to name the birthfather* because of the abuse history. She showed Carolyn the DVO order in which Amanda had blacked out the boyfriend’s name and the detailed “My Story” ** narrative of all the abuse. Carolyn agreed to help her and, over the next few weeks, worked out the arrangements for the adoption. [*Kentucky doesn’t have a putative father registry and permits an adoption to go forward where the girl knows the unmarried-to-her father but chooses not to name him.]

Amanda was pleased with her decision for an open adoption and, after she selected a couple in Wisconsin, enjoyed conversing with them and found them supportive of her during her pregnancy. Numerous documents show that Amanda fully embraced her adoption plan and that her financial needs during the pregnancy were met by the adoptive parents via the agency of AOK and its attorney Carolyn A. who managed the escrow account for Amanda’s benefit. The baby boy was born in Ft. Thomas, KY, April 4, 2004, and under Kentucky law was placed in a foster home in Louisville until the completion of the termination of Amanda’s parental rights and interstate compact approval of both Kentucky and Wisconsin. The termination hearing was held on April 12, 2004, in Jefferson County, Ky. Here is part of the transcript of the termination hearing:

Judge: And it’s my understanding that you know who the father is, but you’ve not named the father. Apparently, there’s some reason why you would like not to have him involved, and there is – you’ve got a domestic-violence order against him. Is that correct?
Amanda: Yes
Judge: Now, at any time, has he come forward to assert paternity of this child?
Amanda: No
Judge: Does he know about the child?
Amanda: Not really, no
Judge: He didn’t know that you were pregnant?
Amanda: Well, he kind of knew, but he – I told him I was going to have an abortion. At that time, that’s what I wanted to do, so I said that.
Judge: And you haven’t had any contact with him since then?
Amanda: No
Judge: Is that correct?
Amanda: He’s known where I was, too, so he – he could’ve came at any time. He just disappeared, pretty much. I think, maybe, he might have even went back to another country. He’s Egyptian, and that’s where he was raised, so –
Judge: All right
Amanda: -- he might have left the country”

In a subsequent conversation with her counselor a week later (April 19), Amanda was cheerful and relieved that the termination had occurred. She was even planning to visit her parents who were living in Florida. Amanda was also aware that the unnamed birthfather’s parental rights would be terminated in 60 days if he didn’t surface, and she expressed no reservations about this future event. The baby, meanwhile, went with the adoptive parents back to Wisconsin on April 14 after clearing the ICPC of both states. This would have been the end of the story, and there would have been no lawsuit brought against Carolyn, except for what was to follow (Part II: Khalid).


** “My Story” -- an unsolicited signed narrative Amanda gave Carolyn Nov 19, 2003
(read at the Jan 2009 trial and now part of the public record)

“My Story
I am divorced going on two years and a mother of one almost three. I currently attend Gateway technical College with one semester remaining before becoming a Licensed Practical Nurse. This pregnancy was unplanned and has kept me from pursuing my career goals. My present daughter was planned for and I was self-sufficient and married at the time. I did consider abortion with this pregnancy but my sister had been through two of them and I believe that choice was not for me. I had two miscarriages trying to get pregnant with my daughter and experienced fertility problems myself resulting from my husband who had Reyes syndrome at adolescence. It made his sperm count low and mainly deformed. Finally, after a year or so of trying I became pregnant with this child, I was acting in an irresponsible way. I had missed a birth control appt. due to financial reasons I could not resolve. I had a short-term relationship of about five months, the man moved in with me soon after two months. {a note by Carolyn in the margin: Discussed 11/24; BF retained residence w/ his father; spent numerous nights w/ her; his name was not on her lease – not held out to community as a couple} You do not know enough about someone to let them into your life like that but I felt like I had [been] mistaken trying to help someone with the feeling of love. This man suffered with Crohn’s disease, which is non-hereditary. It’s a digestive disorder brought on by stress and moor diet habits. It is controlled by healthy lifestyle. He also had many legal problems resulting from a DUI and driving under suspension. With his doctors visits and legal fees. I became a financial mess. I paid for his medicine and legal fees and neglected my own needs. by doing this I put my own life in turmoil. Later I came to find out he had a drug problem and had stolen money as well as my computer among other things. The 29-year old man was addicted to darvocets a mild painkiller, prednisone, a steroid and illegal drugs like cocaine. He even left my little girl alone one night while I worked third shift. He had picked up two sixteen year old girls to party with. He was a deceiving thief and maybe even a con artist. He was a chronic liar about everything. Into the third month of my relationship, I knew it was not love and tried many times to end the relationship and that’s where the abuse started. It was hitting at first, then long periods of being kept hostage within my own apt. Many times, there were threats to kill me and or himself. It was a nightmare I never knew existed. No man had ever physically hurt me. Finally, a punch to the head while driving him to a court hearing on the expressway encouraged me to call the Woman’s crisis center and seek help. That is when I received my restraining order [August 26, 2003], packed what I could and left my apt I owed 1500+. I was approximately two months pregnant at that time. I knew when I must worry about my daughter, the unborn baby and me. If I were to stay with him, I would be endangering all of our lives. On top of all this, my car was repoed. Stress had made life so horrible that I could hardly get out of bed and I found my self only going to work once a week falling even more behind in my bills. My ex-husband came to my aid helping me with my daughter helping me get back and forth to work and helped me to move to a safe location. I don not know what I would of done if it was not for him. It formed a new relationship between us. I felt too ashamed to ask for any financial help so little by little, I have regained some of my self-esteem and dignity back and it is a little better with his support to get by. My family lives in Florida and I have chosen for my pregnancy to remain a secret. I don not want the criticism as well as the stress this would put on my parents. Of course, they would be supportive of me off any decision but I have always been the ‘good one’ and the only hope to succeed in my family. The criticism would be too much. I don not care what any one else’s opinion is I am the one who lives with this decision. My ex-husband has stated he would be supportive whatever decision I made. Keeping the baby was never an option for me. The moment I found out I was pregnant I knew adoption was my choice. I care deeply about my little girl and I know the person who adopts this child will feel the same I also know this child is not meant for me but for someone else. I am not mentally nor physically prepared to become a mother again.
Thank you for the help to find parents for the unborn baby.

Sincerely,
Amanda ____.”

(Part II picks up the story when Khalid resurfaces.)

Seymour's Fat Lady

Zooey talking to Franny at the end of J.D. Salinger’s Franny and Zooey

To Thine Own Self Be True

from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act I, Scene ii:

POLONIUS (advice to son for travel abroad)
Yet here, Laertes?
Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail
And you are stayed for.
There, my blessing with thee.
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character.
Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel,
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatched, unfledged comrade.
Beware of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear 't that th' opposèd may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear but few thy voice.
Take each man's censure but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not expressed in fancy—rich, not gaudy,
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell. My blessing season this in thee.


Paul Anka’s My Way

Mountain Top & Persons

Amy Grant's "Mountain Top" song


from Paul Tournier’s The Meaning of Persons

‘I admire your patience’, he tells me, ‘listening to all this, when much of it must seem to you pointless.’
The remark astonishes me. To call it patience is to suppose an effort on my part, whereas the truth is that it is far more interesting to understand one man thoroughly than to examine a hundred superficially. . .
He felt that he was understood. More than that: he felt also that he was understanding himself better. . . We become fully conscious only of what we are able to express to someone else. . .
Psychological theories explain only mechanisms of the mind. Similarly, the study of all the physiological mechanisms of the body can never of itself lead us to a knowledge of the person. . .
Through information I can understand a case; only through communion shall I be able to understand a person. Men expect of us that we should understand them as cases; but they also want to be understood as persons.
There are two routes to be followed in the knowledge of man: one is objective and scientific, the other is subjective and intuitive . . .One proceeds by logical analysis and precise assessment; the other by a total understanding. One is an endless progression; the other is a sudden and complete discovery.
Although the two methods – that of intellectual information and that of spiritual communion – are thus mutually supporting, it is not easy to synthesize them. Our minds do not seem readily able to comprehend man at once as an ensemble of phenomena and as a person. If we concentrate on the phenomena, the person escapes us; if we see the person, the phenomena become blurred.


from J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye (opening sentence):

Holden Caulfield: “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken




Yogi Berra: "If you come to a fork in the road, take it."



Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

Advice

Primum non nocere
(First, do no harm.)


from William Blake's Eternity

He who bends to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise



from Alexander Pope's A Little Learning

A little learning is a dang'rous thing;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again.


from Sir William Osler's "The Master Word in Medicine":

The very first step toward success in any occupation is to become interested in it.
. . .
It is surprising with how little reading a doctor may practice medicine, but it's not surprising how poorly he may do it.

Band of Brothers

from Shakespeare's Henry V (Act IV, Scene III)

King Henry:
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England:
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more, methinks, would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

(St. Crispin's Day - Oct 25. Henry V's troops won the Battle of Agincourt, Oct 25, 1415.)

Curious Paradox

from Tom Jones' The Fantasticks

Where We Live and Beyond

from Sam Foss’ “The House by the Side of the Road”

There are hermit souls that live withdrawn
In the place of their self-content;
There are souls like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament;
There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
Where highways never ran –
But let me live by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.


from Oliver Wendell Holmes’ “The Chambered Nautilus”

Build thee more stately mansions, O my soul,
As the swift seasons roll!
Leave thy low-vaulted past!
Let each new temple, nobler than the last,
Shut thee from heaven with a dome more vast,
Till thou at length art free,
Leaving thine outgrown shell by life’s unresting sea!


from William Wordsworth’s “The World Is Too Much With Us”

The World is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!


from William Cullen Bryant’s “Thanatopsis”

So live that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan that moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.


from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “Crossing the Bar”

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me,
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea.
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twighlight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho’ from out our bourne of time and place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar.

Keep it simple etc.

Occam’s razor

pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate

(multiplicity ought not be posited without necessity)

Keep it simple

carpe diem
(Seize the day)

from Virgil’s Aenid

forsan et haec olim meminisse juabit

(Someday perhaps we’ll remember these things with happiness)

Moriturite salutamus

(We about to die salute you.)

John Milton’s “Sonnet On His Blindness”

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent, which is death to hide,
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Master, and present
My true account, lest He, returning, chide:
“Doth God exact day labor, light denied?”
I fondly ask; but Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work, or His own gifts; who best
Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state
Is kingly. Thousands at His bidding speed,
And post o’er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

Guardian Angels

Then God said, "Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness." (Gen. 1:26)
So God created human kind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:27)

Three men at Mamre and two angels at Sodom (Gen. 18, 19)

The angel of Yahweh took his stand on the road to bar Baalam’s way (Num. 22:22-35)

Then the devil left him and suddenly angels appeared and looked after him (Matt 4:11)

Jesus answered them, “You understand neither the scriptures nor the power of God. For at the resurrection men and women do not marry; no, they are like angels.” (Matt 22:29)

An angel of the Lord came and rolled away the stone and sat on it. The angel spoke to the women, “He is not here, for he has risen, as he said he would.” (Matt 28:2-7)

Then suddenly an angel of the Lord stood there, and the cell was filled with light. He tapped Peter on the side and woke him. “Get up!” he said, “Hurry!” and the chains fell from his hands. (Acts 12:7)

Life is Gift

After reading John Claypool's Tracks of a Fellow Struggler in 1974, I took the pistol out of the box and broke it to pieces with a hammer. In it's place I put a note, "Regardless of how much I've fucked up, I'm thankful for the life I've been given."

Live Life

from Zorba the Greek:

from A Thousand Clowns:

Take Care

from D.R. Brashear, physics teacher at AHS…

“So much is lost for the want of a little bit more.”

from anonymous. . .

“Every single act of love bears the imprint of God.”

from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam…

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,

Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit

Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,

Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.

from original eclectic pole

from John Donne, Meditation XVII

No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.

from the Bhagavad-Gita

You have the right to work but for the work’s sake only. You have no right to the fruits of work. Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working. Never give way to laziness either. Perform every action with your heart fixed on the supreme Lord. Renounce attachment to the fruits. Be even tempered in success and failure; for it is evenness of temper which is meant by yoga. Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, within the calm of self-surrender. Seek refuge in the knowledge of the Brahman. They who work selfishly for results are miserable.

from the London Economist, 1247…

All that can be said of a great statesman is that he discovered error and removed it.

from Thomas Merton…

I hardly think it possible that God would allow men to devote themselves entirely to seeking Him without letting them in some way or other find Him.

from Bill Wallace of China….

Bill Wallace was happiest ministering to the needs of people, doing the work for which he felt called, and for which he had diligently trained himself.

from John Gage, “Populous Solitude”, 1965…

I am alone in the great brotherhood
We are all alone.
Impassioned minds assert their own,
And live for themselves
Each man proudly propounds his thot
But no one listens
We are strangely thrown together
And stand apart.

from John Gage, “When These Are Gone”, 1965….

The crooked verdant valleys
Like the nation in its faith,
The alacritous gurgling brooks,
Like the course of open minds,
The vast expanse of unchecked prairie
Like the soul of man when free
The high flying lark and eagle
Like the thoughts of an honest man
The deep flowing thundering rivers
Like the spirit of a nation,
The tacit meditative meadows,
Like the silent musings of real men
When these are gone
The earth lies void
Like man. . .

from Antoine De Saint-Exupery’s The Little Prince. . .

Scars

from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene 2

He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
. . .
What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet. . .
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from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, Act IV, Scene 3

There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
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from Leonard Bernstein’s Symphony No. 3 -- “Kaddish”